Are you a little insane?

You know how insanity is defined as “repeating the same behavior or action and expecting different results”.

I would find myself doing exactly this in my struggle with food, the same thing over and over and over… and you know it… always the same results.
When it comes to loosing weight without falling back into eating disorders, I always have to have a little walk down memory lane to keep me from repeating the same mistakes. I tend to do this little walk at the beginning of the year, after falling back into some unhealthy eating habits over the holidays.

I would go down my list of things that worked: Juice fasts, liquids only, no carbs, diet pills… In the past I would grab onto one of these, just to find myself in a nasty eating disorder cycle of fasting and binging, and as a result months of agony. Now off course diet pills worked very well, and also a few other dangerous methods, but it was also a path of insanity, leading to only one thing: Health deterioration and a good chance of dying. So when I start to weigh my options I try to remember that it was always the same story, quick results initially followed by a heap of misery and extra weight in the end.

Now the more important question, the one I am supposed to ask: What did I do in the past to get weight off and keep it off, without spiraling into an eating disorder or knocking at death’s door? Only one thing: The thing my impatient nature does not want to hear about. The only thing that really worked was me eating healthy every day, exercising at least 4 times a week and getting rid of sugar and white flour. It worked, for six months or even a year at a time: I would loose the weight, I would not have anymore sugar cravings, I would be able to eat anything, and the anxiety would be gone.

Now, if this worked, then why did I fall back? Why couldn’t I keep it up forever?
Simple: I became insane again. Every time I would get greedy, wanting more weight loss and wanting it NOW! Every time I would reach for the same things I’ve done so many times before, expecting different results this time. I would reason that maybe the pills will make me skinny without killing me this time. Or, the weight loss on a low carb diet will stick and I won’t start craving big chunks of bread this time. I would reason that doing the same things and getting the same miserable results is perfectly normal

I’m on the track of sanity again. May God help me to stay sane this time. In fact, keeping close to Him keeps me sane, and I know it! It’s when I crawl out from under that Everlasting wing that the enemy gets me alone and whispers to me to try the same stuff again so that the insanity can prevail.

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