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He could always make my heart melt with his chocolate brown eyes. Even at age three he was a little grown-up with a huge vocabulary. People always smiled at the eloquent way the little guy spoke Afrikaans (our first language), and he wrote his first poem before he could spell.
My sweet little boy, Jean, is now a man of 21 who is ready to spread his wings and fly. He graduated from college, found a great job, and is looking for his own place to stay.
It’s all so wonderful! Just one problem: I’m not ready…
It’s not that I don’t want him to enjoy every minute of his new and exiting journey – because I do! It’s not that I’m not grateful – because I am so grateful for the positive direction his life is taking. It’s simply a matter of me not being ready to let go…
Nothing really prepares us for this, does it?
I’m not ready for his little red car to no longer be parked outside my window. I’m not ready to stop falling over his shoes in the hallway. I still want to see him snuggle with his little sister Christie, huddle over a piece of artwork with Jason, and I still want to lay in bed and hear him laugh with Terrance into the early morning hours. I’m not ready to let go of the long and rich conversation we have about anything from politics to pumpkin. I’m so not ready to cook authentic South African food without my oldest chopping, stirring, and adding things to age old recipes.
I really don’t want to be a mother who keeps controlling until she’s resented, but I also don’t want him to think that I stopped caring. Because the truth is that I lay awake wondering, worrying, and praying that God will keep him safe, give him wisdom, help him choose wisely, and especially that our Father will always keep him close…
A dear friend reminded me recently that when separation is most difficult for me, it is probably most crucial for his future.
It’s still hard but I’m learning slowly that separating from my young adult or teenager is a balancing act between CONTROL and FREEDOM
By slowly letting go (even if it’s super difficult for me) I am…
- Equipping him to face the world out there while I’m still close enough to help
- Letting him find out who he is and what he truly likes
- Letting him develop his own relationship with God
- Keeping my door open if he wants to talk or ask for advice in the future
- Forging and preserving a new relationship with him that will go the distance
I wrote this poem a while ago when the “letting-go” process started. I believe there is only one way for us moms to endure these deep emotions: Hiding under the everlasting wing of the One who sees us. Jean is my oldest, so I still have to let go THREE MORE TIMES – Lord have mercy on this poor mama! For now I’ll pretend I have plenty of time and enjoy the sweeties I still have close to home.
He sees me…
invisible I am
in the kitchen
doing the laundry
picking up their shoes
watching, always watching
for a smile, a tear, a frown
waiting, always waiting
for the right time to talk
and I hurt, because they go
and I stay
and I cry, because they reach for tomorrow
and I still sit quietly with yesterday in my hand…
I long for the revealing of their greatness
I pray for their dreams to come true
every day they strive, hurt, laugh, dream, cry, love
and invisible I watch and I hold my breath
they don’t know it
they don’t see me
and yet, He sees me…
and He smiles…
a mom
Posted 5 months, 2 weeks ago. Add a comment
Sometimes kind people compliment me on my teenage/young adult sons, and for a brief moment I can’t help but wonder if I might have done something right… and then reality sets in…
Today was one of those “reality-days”. I had absolutely no patience to home school my 10 year old, and trying to potty train my 3 year old was, like someone else put it, “trying to pin jello to the wall”
I just couldn’t do it, I gave up…for today at least…
Back in the “old country” I would have been branded an incompetent mother by now, I’m sure. All kids get potty trained at age 2, and no 3 year old still has a pacifier (called a dummy in South Africa). Yet, here I am, the mother who supposedly got everything right in her twenties, and I have to hang my head in shame! My little girl (who should have been so much easier than her three brothers) is still very far from potty trained, and lo and behold, she still desperately wants her pacifier at night.
It’s not that I don’t have a plan. I’m planning to succeed every day, but seriously, on the eve of 40, I simply lack the enthusiasm and the strength many days!
However, I honestly think it’s a good thing that I’m stripped from all my pride in the area of motherhood. It made me look again, from a different point of view, at mothers around me. I came to realize that every Mom I see around me is in fact a GREAT MOM! We love our kids and we try our best, and even those of us who don’t do such a good job, never intended for it to go so wrong. We have issues, jobs, relationship difficulties, financial crisis and health problems. Earth shattering things such as death and divorce happen to some of us, and still…we do our best for those little ones (and bigger ones) in our lives. All the MOMS I speak to desire deeply to be a good mother and to give their kids everything they need and want, in spite of their inability to always do so.
So here is to you, my friend and fellow mom, who are trying to “pin jello to the wall” this very day: You are an amazing extension of God’s love on this earth.
Forget about being the perfect mom, she does not exist. There’s only one thing you and I need to get right: Plug in with God daily so that His healing power, His wisdom, His love, and His patience can shine through us.
Love you girls!
Heleen
A friend, Sandy, had a great idea for a bunch of us “bloggers” to write about proper body image and Godly motivation for fitness. Thanks Sandy!
She was going to write a letter to her daughter and I so wanted to do the same for Christie. Maybe you want to join in and write your own post or letter to your daughter or grand daughter.
Please go check out this amazing video about this topic on Sarah’s blog at All pain-No gain. It had me in tears!
My sweet little Christie girl
You’re only three years old but I so want to write you this letter in the hope that you will one day read it.
Being a Mom to you and your three amazing brothers is truly the greatest joy in all my life!
I can still not believe that I now also have a little girl! I so want to protect you from everything. When I see you sleep with your little hand tucked under a rosy cheek and your brown curls spread all over your pink Dora pillow, I ache with love for you.
I know that I won’t be able to protect you from all the lies and bad things in this world, but I hope to teach you a few truths along the way that will help.
There is one thing I’ve told your brothers countless times, and I hope to tell you many times too through out your life: Nothing in life compares with loving God.
Seriously, whether things are going great in your life or you are going through a really difficult season, loving God is all that truly matters and truly lasts!
My sweet baby girl, as a woman you have many challenges and joys ahead of you:
One day you might find yourself wondering why you have brown hair, green eyes and a certain body shape. One day you might look around you and realize that you are different from others. Right now you don’t even notice it, but one day you might recognize different skin color, body shapes, hair texture, and find “flaws” in yourself as you start to compare yourself with those around you.
When that day comes I want you to know that you are standing before a very important choice: Will you believe God’s truth about you or will you settle for the enemy’s lies?
I am begging you, my sweet darling girl, to believe the truth!
THE TRUTH IS:
There will never be anyone like you, EVER AGAIN, you are amazing and totally unique in every way!
You were given your set of features; hair color, body shape, eye color and facial features BY GOD, FOR A SPECIFIC REASON AND PURPOSE!
Your bone structure and genetic makeup will determine your perfect weight, and being skinny has NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING BEAUTIFUL AND HEALTHY!
Obsessing about weight can make you weigh less or more than what God has intended for you, and it will steal your peace. But staying close to Him, surrendering your way of eating to Him, and taking good care of your body will bring joy and peace to your life.
God made you to move girl! So find active things that you love and that you truly enjoy. Be yourself!
Take good care of your body, you will only get one in this lifetime. Feed it healthy food : Enjoy all the great flavors and colors of food that God created. Drink lots of water, rest enough, and LAUGH OUT LOUD AT LEAST ONCE A DAY!
Don’t waste time to try and please other people. There is one smile over your life that is truly important: The smile of God
Most of all: Know that God can truly satisfy you in a way that no relationship, no meal, no object and no human love ever can. So CHASE HARD AFTER GOD ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE!!
I pray that you will learn the truth about yourself early in your precious life, much earlier than your Mom did:)
HOWEVER, DON’T TRY AND DO ANY OF THE ABOVE PERFECTLY. NOBODY IS PERFECT AND IF YOU MESS IT ALL UP THEN GOD’S LOVE WILL COVER THAT TOO.
In the end we don’t have to do one thing to make Him love us more, His love for you, my little princess is EVERLASTING and CAN NEVER FAIL.
You are His princess, perfect, created exactly in the way you should be…
I have no words to even begin to tell you how much I love you… SO MUCH!
Your Mamma
xoxo
Posted 2 years, 3 months ago. 1 comment
I can not my believe my little girl turned 3 last week! Her brother will be 10 this week, and I can still clearly remember when he was only 3 with the little chubby arms and legs! I attached a picture of the two little rascals:)
While icing some pink cupcakes on Christie’s birthday, I was again reminded of how far God has brought me. Here I was planning her party with, yes cake, but also hummus, wheat thins, carrots, celery and home made pizza (with healthy toppings)
Don’t think for one minute that I’m priding myself in all of this! I still have too many parties from my past that haunts me. I am seriously trying to do a better job with my two younger children, but I’m afraid their brothers have had a total different life. They observed the roller coaster ride of my eating disorder for a big part of their lives. Fortunately they don’t have any visible signs of food issues, but I’m always praying and talking to them about it.
I still have to stand against the enemy’s voice of accusation some days . He likes to tell me that I have failed when it comes to my older children, and that never mind how I’ve changed I will never make up for the past. The truth: There is no more condemnation for me (or you)! God loves my kids and He will use even my brokenness and the scars it might have left in their lives for His glory. I will keep praying and believing for that…
Now, I totally got off track here, but maybe some of you amazing mothers out there needed to be reminded of this. What I really wanted to get to was and incident that happened a few weeks back in the nursery, and that I thought of today while battling with some “after-birthday-tantrums”…
A few weeks back I was working in the nursery with a very adequate young mother. She has an amazing ability to just quiet the little 2 year olds down. They actually come and sit all around her and listen to her in amazement. I was amazed too. I also teach in that class once a month, and I’m telling you, I come away every time sweating and utterly exhausted.
Somehow I just can’t get them to calm down, at least not for more than two minutes. I bring in puppet shows and all kinds of gimmicks, but they stay restless and keep running around. When I finally round-up the little cuties, they don’t look interested in what I have to say at all, and sure enough minutes later they are running off to bigger and better things.
I was staring at this young mother in astonishment. She has only one child! I am supposed to be the expert after raising 4 munchkins. She was just sitting down with a Bible story book and all thirteen two-year-olds were hanging on her every word! I felt, to say the least, inadequate and inferior.
I caught myself glaring at the poor young mother, not on purpose, but due to all the puzzling thoughts in my mind. At this point the Holy Spirit was kind enough to shake me out of my pity-party, and I just blurted it out “You are simply wonderful with these kids. I can not believe how you do it. They are NEVER this good for me. Seriously, I can learn so much from you!”
I totally meant it, and she was so truly grateful for my words of encouragement that I could not believe that I didn’t tell her before. Now, I am in no way indicating that my words changed her life, but I know I made her smile!
Do you need some words of encouragement in your life today? Actually we all need it desperately. Life is hard and sometimes our gifts and hard work go unnoticed by others. Sometimes it’s due to the fact that they are so occupied with their own lives, and other times they might feel inferior or even envious (as I did for a few minutes)
Whatever you’re feeling next time you see somebody do something amazing, especially if it’s for the glory of God, tell them! Keep telling as many people as you can and sow some of the love and light of God in other peoples lives.
Yes, negative words can cut deep and hurt for a long time, but encouraging words are like balm on our broken hearts, guarding us from the harsh winters of life. Go ahead, give someone a compliment, and put a smile on their face. The best part, it will bless you too, and I can bet you that your heavenly Father will be smiling as well.
And then maybe, one day, when you least expect it… at sweet word of encouragement will come your way…
Actually you’re already doing it. By reading this post you are blessing and honoring me and bringing joy to my heart:) Thanks for tuning in to my blog, I am so blessed…
Love, Heleen
Posted 2 years, 4 months ago. Add a comment
I am so fortunate to still have my Mom in my life. Yesterday, on Mother’s day my Mom visited and as we sat down for brunch, made by the men (well part of it at least), she looked at me and started showering me with praise. She commented on my life, my website, my hair, and my looks (jeans and t-shirt:) among other things.
I pretended to be embarrassed for company’s sake, but I was really basking in the warmth of true acceptance and encouragement. We all need that. I see how my children yearn for those words of praise and blessing. Life hits us hard, and at times it robs us of all our confidence and ability to see ourselves through God’s eyes, and that is where mothers come in…
I know you’ve heard many versions of this before but, like my fellow authors, I am convinced that God created mothers to be His helpers on this earth in a special kind of way. Of course a mother is biased when she tells the world that her child is the smartest, most beautiful or most talented kid on the planet, but it’s okay! Every child deserves to be the best somewhere and sometimes. In fact every child deserves the unconditional love of a mother.
My mom reminded me of that yesterday with her loving example. She reminded me that it’s okay to brag with your kids every now and then, especially to their grandma and especially when the particular child is present. It makes them grow just a little bit taller, smile a little bit wider and put a bounce in their step when they walk away with a “Oh stop Mom!” I have been loved, hugged, encouraged and praised by my Mom throughout my life. Sure there were times when we hurt each other, fought, cried, and had to work through things, but mostly there was a lot of love, and it kept me going all these years.
I know for sure that I saddled my kids with their own issues, whether I meant to or not. However, I hope that the love I showed them will weigh more. I pray that it will also be enough to take them the distance as it did in my life.
I am so reminded today of orphans and the incredible hearts of women who open up their homes for these precious children so they too can experience the love, hugs and praise of a Mom. You are the Mighty Moms among us. May God bless you and may His face shine especially upon you!
Posted 2 years, 8 months ago. 1 comment
He could always make my heart melt with his chocolate brown eyes. Even at age three he was a little grown-up with a huge vocabulary. People always smiled at the eloquent way the little guy spoke Afrikaans (our first language), and he wrote his first poem before he could spell. 
