Are We Letting Men of the Hook?

Hi there beautiful ladies Happy New Year to you and your families! May 2017 be your year of joy, blessings, and freedom in Christ. I’m shocked to see that I last wrote here to wish you all a Happy 2016. Believe me, I had all the intentions of writing at least one post a month this past year, but alas, it was not possible. The good news is that I am chipping away at my studies. Next year this time I will be getting ready to graduate and I can not wait to get back to blogging, webinars, talking to all of you on the forum, and of course, adding some one-on-one professional counseling for those who may need it. Now back to the question: Are We Letting Men of the Hook? Tony and I had been married for 24 years this past December, and a few days before our anniversary I had an interesting conversation with a group of very intelligent and beautiful young women at my college. We were talking about marriage and dating and they all agreed that we (our society) are letting men who are emotionally unavailable off the hook too easily by stereotyping their behavior as “typical male” or “something women should simply accept”. I definitely saw their point, especially for the men of my generation (Baby Boomers and GenXers). I think that the Millennials are doing a better job at this because guys are expected to be more in touch with their emotions and to work harder at understanding the women in their lives. Also, for the most part, it seems that they agree with this and are happy to do it (I asked my sons). However, I felt a pang of shame as the truth hit me: I am totally letting my husband off the hook (translate forgive and …

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A Marriage Saved by JOY!

As promised: My annual post about marriage, just in time for Valentines Day! Actually, this is perfect timing, because I have a lot to tell you. I have talked a little about 2013 being a tough year and that my marriage was also caught in the cross fire. However, I did not mentioned how bad things got, partly because it is always so much easier to write about painful things in retrospect. In truth, things were looking pretty bleak, and the more I tried to fix things, the worse they became.  I WAS AT THE END OF MY ROPE, to put it mildly, and working together as a couple (as my husband and I do) did not make things easier at all. It seemed that I was in need of something NEW; some new direction, a new job, a new hairstyle, a new book to write, a new project, a new city to live in, or possibly A NEW LIFE!!  I wanted out of the old so bad, and especially wanted to run far, far away from the arguments and pain that seemed unending!  I complained to God, cried, begged, and whined. I had to find an answer.  I should have an answer, right? I’m a planner and a teacher, certainly I could find a way out of this. But for the life of me I couldn’t figure out how I got in this mess, or how to get myself out of  it.  So I kept crying out to God, mainly because there was nothing else to do, and also because I always tell you to do it  (Jer 33:3). Have to practice what I preach for Pete’s sake! I thought for sure God was going to answer in some mighty earth shaking way. I had some ideas of how He could do …

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Keeping the “Spark” Alive

So with Valentines day upon us, I thought it would be good to write a little about my own love story. I haven’t written a lot about me and Tony (the love of my life:) probably because this blog is more about helping women with their food struggles than it is about marriages. However, every February I tend to wander a bit onto the path of love… I have been a lucky girl for sure. God knew I needed Tony. All of the things that I desire deeply in my own life: self-control, patience, and endurance just come so “natural” to him. I’m the high maintenance one in the relationship, so I got the better end of the deal, I’m sure:) We will be married 20 years in 2012 – so almost 20 years of  good times and definitely bad ones as well. We moved across continents and raised four children together (well technically we’re still busy raising some of those young ones) And then recently we’ve been thrown into a total different ball game ( by the economy and God’s plan of course) when we started up a brand new business at home. Some days I have to hang on to my sanity for dear life – homeschooling, phones are ringing, emails are coming in, work needs to be done, orders need to be processed, laundry, dinner, quiet time, exercise…well basically just a normal day in the life of a working mom:) During times like these romance sort of fades into the background, and it bothers me. So I do what any decent Christian woman would do – I whine, and then I cry, and then I pout, and then I threaten, and FINALLY I cry out to God… and what do you know… He always first start with my heart. A …

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Strife steals!

Strife is one of those things that can steal a life and destroy relationships. I don’t want to be someone who bickers and complains about stuff. However, if I don’t stay on guard in this area it creeps up on me. I know that we are warned in Ephesians that strife grieves the Holy Spirit and in my struggle with food addiction I’ve learned that I can not afford to grieve the Holy Spirit. In fact in order to break free from eating disorders or any other addiction, one needs the living, guiding Spirit of God right beside you, every step of the way. For a few weeks now I have been bickering, not outright fighting or arguing, although I have had my share of that too. No, this was more a constant complaining and fault finding, especially surrounding my marriage. When my husband pointed it out I was defensive and the bickering escalated into a full fledged argument. Fortunately God loves me too much to let me wander off onto a path of destruction. So he cornered me. I picked up a book of Joyce Meyers and it was all about getting rid of strife. I listened to a sermon a few days later and Strife was mentioned. Sure enough, this morning when I picked up my Bible study, there it was again. Finally convinced, I hit the carpet and confessed. What a relief! What a difference when God opens our eyes! It’s the same eyes that others tried to pry open, but in a second God can remove the veil and you can see… Strife can not be tolerated, not even during PMS:)

Sad Valentine (:

With just a day to spare until Valentine’s day, I find myself in tears. Now some would call these tears of self-pity, but I just call it “real woman tears” You don’t have to live long as a a woman on this planet of ours to have your heart shattered into tiny pieces, and Valentines day sure gives ample opportunity for just such a heartbreak. Of course not everybody is a Sad Valentine. There certainly are those “young and in love” who have only tasted the sweet side of love. They make us drool and think of our own first love. Others have discovered new romance in their marriage after many dry years, and we wish them the best from the bottom of our hearts. And then of course there are the few fortunate women, the ones we don’t speak of, who married incurable romantics. This rare species of men embrace Valentine’s day (and their wives) with everything they have (gasp). I belong to the group that has been married for a while, and sadly wised-up to the fact that romance takes some work. On Valentines day some extra work will pay of: A hint here, a reservation there and a grateful heart for even the smallest token of affection will do the trick. So, through the years I’ve had many happy Valentine’s days because of an extra effort, but also my share of ones where I’m overwhelmed with self-pity (okay I’ve said it). So, today is one of those above mentioned days where I just have this yearning to be swept off my feet on a white horse and carried away to a “castle of romance”. Off course all the adds on TV and stores filled with tokens of “love” are not helping! It’s not that my man has never shown any …

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Woman in a man’s world?!

My husband is convinced that he cloned me! He created another man (just like him) that likes to work on the computer till the crack of dawn, doesn’t need to talk about every little thing, has a skin as thick as a crocodile, and loves to see Jack Bauer on 24 send his enemies off to a not so happy place. Actually, not so much… I might act as if I like all of that, and I might have migrated toward more work and less play, but in my heart I’m still a girly girl. Sometimes I have to put a piece of scotch tape over my lips to keep all the things in my head from spilling over. After almost two decades of marriage, hubby is still surprised that we can be sitting at our computers, in deep thought and intense concentration, and I would start talking about some long lost cousin of mine. Most of the time he will just stare at me with “What in the world?” written all over his face. Other times he has this puzzled look that speaks of utter disbelief when the boys tell him that I spent a whole day, curled up on my favorite couch, wrapped in my favorite blanket, living and crying through 6 straight hours of Pride and Prejudice. However, I like to keep the illusion alive: Hey, a happy husband, especially in this economy, is not a small thing. So I live my secret life: I talk to my Mom on the phone for hours, I eat chocolate and watch chick flicks, and I laugh with my girl friends about things no man could ever understand… Salute! To all the women in the world of men who share my secret…