Do You Fear Rejection?

I was desperately afraid of rejection for the biggest part of my life. I was rejected early on for not being pretty enough, not quiet enough, and definitely not skinny enough. I was rejected by peers, boyfriends, and family members in both big and small ways. However, the most important rejection was one I was not even consciously aware of: I REJECTED MYSELF COMPLETELY. The fear of rejection became the driving force behind my vow to avoid rejection at all cost. I remade my appearance to the best of my ability,  and surrounded myself with “safe” people who would or could not easily reject me; mainly people with wounds, obsessions, and weaknesses of their own. I also made sure that I became irreplaceable in the lives of these friends, so they would never want to leave me. Through manipulation and lies I kept this all alive. I pleased, begged, fought, over committed myself, did things I hated, smiled when I wanted to cry, stayed awake when I wanted to sleep, had long talks when I had nothing more to say, bribed, gave advice, bent over backwards, and last but certainly not least,  rescued everyone around me. God saw all of this of course, and placed ever so strategically four little beings in my life who would challenge my authenticity from the start. They grew up way too fast, and as young adults refused  to any longer be coerced into Mom’s perfection and people pleasing. They wanted to spread their  wings and fly, and they especially wanted to love me on their own terms. So I felt again the stabbing pain of rejection that I carefully tried to dodged for so long. I cried before God, tried to think and rethink the situation, made a new plan, did everything I knew to keep the …

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The Miracle of a Soft Heart

So happy to finally get back to blogging. A long stretch of influenza and some unrelenting coughing caused me to take a two week break from the webinars. However, it seems that a person can actually cough and type without too much effort, so I thought I would write to you ladies instead.  2013 has been a memorable year for my family and I. Not because of great milestones I’m afraid, but because of deep valleys and a great miracle along the way. So today seemed like a good day to tell you about it… For a while now I’ve been observing a heart of stone in one of my loved ones. It breaks my heart over and over again, to see someone once so filled with love and zeal for the Lord now so bitter, angry, and stumbling around in the dark. I have talked, cried, prayed, fought, begged, and pleaded with God for months, and then finally I stopped. It might have looked like surrender on the outside, and I even uttered the intention of surrender to a few friends, but only God knew what really happened… my heart became hard as well.  It’s amazing how gradually this can happen. Over a period of time we start relying on our own efforts again. We start making plans for our food struggle, our lost loved ones, or our circumstances. We start trusting in those plans, and when they inevitably fail, we become discourage, angry, bitter, and numb…  You may know exactly what I’m talking about. We can not deny the fruit of a hard heart. According to Luke 6:45 “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” My mouth was …

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What will Motivate you to Stop Overeating or Binging?

Please read this quote from Phillip Yancey’s book What’s so Amazing about Grace? carefully. It contains valuable information as far as answering the question: What will motivate you to stop overeating and binging? The best reason to be good is to want to be good. Internal change requires relationship. It requires love. “Who can be good, if not made so by loving?” asked Augustine. When Augustine made the famous statement, “If you but love God you may do as you incline” he was perfectly serious.  A person who truly loves God will be inclined to please God, which is why Jesus and Paul both summed up the entire law in the simple command, “Love God.” If you are still going around the same mountain even though you’ve gone through counseling and found a solid food program, if you still find yourself bound in the chains of food addiction and eating disorders even though you’ve gone through my 12 Week Online Program and you’ve made great strides in dealing with past hurts, then it might be time to look at the MOTIVATION behind it all.   ONLY TRUE LOVE MOTIVATES OBEDIENCE Please read this excerpt from a previous post I wrote to find out how you can FALL IN LOVE AND BE CHANGED FOREVER!   In her well-known Bible study “Breaking Free” Beth Moore asks us to answer the following few questions to determine if we’re really in love with God: IDENTIFYING TRUE LOVE: Does God regularly circulate into my thoughts? (Ps 63:6) Am I often drawn to spend time with Him?  (Ps 27:4) Does my life demonstrate a love for God? (Rom 5:8) Do I often enjoy God? (Ps 16:11) Do I ultimately find relief or satisfaction in obedience? (John 14:12) How did you score on the TRUE LOVE TEST? Sometimes we really …

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2 Things will Break the Yoke of Food Struggles

I have just walked through my 12 Week Program with a group of amazing women of God. We’ve walked out this journey on our Members Forum. I hope to do it again soon, but even if you have just joined my program you can write on this forum topic and receive encouragement, prayer, and support. Week 12 of my 12 Week Online Program for Women Struggling with Food deals with 2 Crucial elements that will help us GO THE DISTANCE. We all know that this journey of overcoming food related issues is a journey of falling and getting up. There is victory for sure, but for most people it is a process. So in my last week I want to equip you with tools to help you keep going, and to make sure you know exactly what to do when you fall. 2 THINGS ARE SUPER IMPORTANT: CONSISTENCY AND SURRENDER Here is a previous post I wrote that goes well with this week’s lesson: In my years of struggling with overeating and bulimia I found two things that played a major role in my healing and gave me a huge shove toward victory and freedom on this difficult journey: CONSISTENCY and SURRENDER. I so wished and prayed that CONSISTENCY would come natural for me. It seems to me as if some people are just rigged for consistency from birth. I can’t help to envy my husband’s consistent nature. He does not leave a project unfinished and he will keep at something long after I have given up. It has greatly benefit him and especially our family through the years. So I know it’s a good thing to have, it’s just that I HAVE TO WORK AT IT! I discovered, after refusing to join the “consistent club” for the longest time, that if you …

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Temptation

Week 11 of my 12 Week Online Program for Women Struggling with Food deals with the issue of Temptation. We are discussing this on the Members Forum this week. Come learn how you can find victory in those moment when you are tempted.  Here is a previous post I wrote that goes well with this week’s lesson:   How do you find victory in your WEAK MOMENTS? I wanted to share this excerpt out of the new Breaking Free Bible Study by Beth Moore with you: “God has reserved momentous victories and great rewards for us. But we’ll never make it to our milestones if we cant’ make through our moments“ Isn’t that so true? We set these milestones and we even have faith for it – but then we get to that ‘MOMENT”, that excruciating moment of temptation or weakness, and we cave… and then we lose hope… SO HOW DO WE GET THROUGH OUR WEAK MOMENTS? Beth goes on to say that 2 reasons exist that we don’t take the “exit” God offers in our weak moments (1 Cor 10:13) 1. We don’t want to 2. We don’t feel like we deserve to We have to ask God in that MOMENT: “God I don’t want to stop eating, but please change my WANT TO” or “God I don’t think I deserve healthy food/taking care of my body, but please help me see that I am a princess of the only true King and I do deserve it” If you have been following along on our MEMBERS FORUM, you will know that I am struggling at this time in my life with “keeping my mouth under control”. Our family life has become very challenging because (as I mentioned before) my husband and I have a few businesses that we now run from …

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Controlling People and Situations can Feed you Food Addiction

We’ve just completed Week 9  on the forum that deals with PEOPLE PLEASING and CONTROL. If you find yourself reaching for food because of stress and turmoil in your relationships then this week might clear up a lot of issues for you. Please have a look at my 12 Week Online Program to find out more. Here is a previous post I wrote that goes well with this week’s lesson:   This past weekend I was reminded that self-control and controlling other people can not co-exist in my life. I was getting anxious about situations in our family and fell back into my old pattern of controlling people and circumstances. Of course I’m pretty good at “whipping” everything and everybody into shape, but things started unraveling fast inside of me. I was restless. I wanted to eat all sorts of things and I was avoiding God. Fortunately I’ve learned, through much tears and many heartaches, to recognize these patterns in myself. So I was back at the drawing board with God: The Bible clearly says that self-control is part of the Fruit of the Spirit and “should” thus be part of every spirit filled Christian’s life. According to John 15 we will bear much fruit (including self-control) if we are plugged into the vine (Jesus). So having self-control means staying close to God, OBEYING GOD, and daily asking the Holy Spirit to fill us and give us control of ourselves. However, no where in the Bible will you find any kind of command or even an indication that we are suppose to control other people and circumstances. Now if you are immediately thinking  “I’m not a control-freak” you might want to first read the following to make sure: Controlling can be blatant or subtle. Trying to please people and keep everybody happy doesn’t …

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Insecurities: Every Woman’s Battle

We’ve just finished up Week 6 on the forum – this week deals with exposing the lies of the enemy and the world around us, which tend to shape the way we view ourselves. It also helps you to pick up the truth of God’s Word and start viewing yourself as the Princess of God who you truly are.  Here is a previous post I wrote that goes well with this week’s lesson:   The BIG issue of INSECURITY! I must admit, I’m blessed beyond what I’ve imagined by Beth Moore’s latest book “So Long Insecurity:You’ve been a bad friend to us” She said so many profound things, but one simple sentence hit me hard: “Worship in it simplest form is FOCUS” I keep reminding all of you wonderful ladies that our focus needs to change from WEIGHT LOSS to HEALTH if we ever want to get out of this nightmare of eating disorders. However, reading this book and looking at my own life, made me realize that there is more. There is a “deeper level” if you will. Our focus will probably never shift from WEIGHT LOSS to HEALTH if we don’t first move our focus from OURSELVES to GOD. Beth speaks about a deep insecurity that plagues the lives of so many. I’ve known this to be true in my own life and almost every lady I’ve encountered that has a struggle with food. Deep down at the bottom of our beings lies an insecurity that drives us to please others, to strive for perfection, to stay in control of our surroundings and the people we love, and to maintain or reach a certain weight AT ALL COST! Way too much stress and pressure for one person! No wonder that same person will reach for the cookie jar at the end …

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Choosing the right Food Plan for you

We’re on Week 4 on the forum and we’re looking into finding the right food plan for every lady.  This is a very personal issues, seeing that we all find ourselves in different seasons in our lives. God has the right plan for you and your unique situation. Do some research on different programs out there – the accountability and discipline is very important. REMEMBER: God can use any solid program to help  you break free from this disordered way of eating. However, if you don’t grow in relationship with Him and surrender this part of your life to Him, it will just be another diet failure. Please have a look again at my book on surrender if this is still a huge issue for you: “God will I ever be free?” Here is a previous post I wrote that goes well with this week’s lesson.   ABSTINENCE OR MODERATION?   In the world of Food Struggles the search for the “perfect treatment” continues, and in Christian circles the question whether one should be abstinent from certain food or learn to eat all food in moderation is an ongoing debate. What is a woman to do? Say goodbye to sweets forever, or eat every thing, but only one bite at a time? My Humble Opinion: Stop wondering about it and DO what you’ve gotta do girl! Actually, both of these “solutions” have merit: Gluttony, a sin that most ladies with food struggles deal with, is in itself a clear indication that we are dealing with eating too much and the solution should therefore be to repent and eat less, through the help of the Holy Spirit of course. However, a struggle with food also points to the sin of idolatry. Certain food can become an idol when we turn to it to make …

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Is Food Addiction for Real?

I promised to re-posting some popular posts related to the 12 Weeks of my Online Program as we go through it on the forum. We are currently doing Week 3  and the topic is Food Addiction. So here is this post again in case you want to read it one more time, or you have missed it the first time.   Living with the “Brain Fog” of Food Addiction People who struggle with Food Addiction use food in similar ways as others do drugs, cigarettes or alcohol. It is used to numb unwanted emotions and it actually does! If you have an overload of sugar, fat and salt in your system, you actually experience a “high”. It’s a state of mind where you just live for the moment, food is all that matters and for a few moments at least, it can make you forget about your sorrows. Of course you always regret it afterward. However, it’s not necessarily a deep regret that brings you to repentance, but rather something similar to the alcoholic who cries when he is in a drunken state. It’s usually feelings of self pity and self loathing, but unfortunately mostly not the deep sorrow that makes you want to turn away from the addictive foods for good. If you struggle with food addiction, you might recognize this pattern where you overeat at night, feel sick to your stomach, cry tears of despair, and promise yourself to never do this again, just to repeat the same cycle again the next day. It breaks my heart to see friends and family go through this cycle many times before they hit “rock-bottom”. I know the horrible feeling of utter failure. There is another side to addiction that causes people to stay in the same rut, year after year: The “Brain Fog”. …

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The Good and the Bad of being Busy!

I must admit, I have a need to stay busy all the time! It’s more than a need actually, for years I have equated busyness with power, prestige and value. Fortunately, God has brought about a lot of change in my value system and way of thinking, and these days I’m ready for a slower pace. However, moving at a snail’s pace without purpose or direction can cause other problems. Let’s have a look: The Good: I’ve written in previous posts about the absolute necessity for someone who struggles with food to find again her buried dreams and desires. Those dreams are given to us by God and it makes each one of us unique and our lives worth living. If we don’t follow our purpose and dreams, we will follow something else, even something destructive. So to get busy with your dreams is a GOOD THING! If you often find yourself bored, not interested in anything, tired, depressed and without purpose, you might have lost vision and purpose for your life. This is not God’s plan for you. Living in this hopeless state can cause a person to turn to food again and again. In fact, you might pick up many other idols along the way if you don’t find meaning and purpose in your life. Even good Christians who read their Bibles and pray daily can fall prey to idolatry if they don’t find joy in fulfilling the purpose God has for them on this earth. The Bad: Unfortunately anything we devout all of our time, energy, and money to can become an idol instead of bringing fulfillment to our lives. Take for instance this ministry I have for women who struggle with food. I’ve had this yearning to help other ladies for many years, but I wasn’t sure how it …

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