I can not believe how different two days can be. It makes me understand and love that verse about God’s mercies being new every morning so much more!
Yesterday was one of that Murphy’s law days for me: You know, everything that could go wrong indeed did go wrong!
By 10am I was ready to run into the mountains like a wild woman, screaming. Okay, fair enough, it was my first day of potty training my little girl and I also had some work to get done, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. The rest of the day followed suit and by the evening I was ready to pull out my own hair. I did everything a good mother should never do, everything a good wife would not even think about, and everything a child of God is not suppose to do (well not everything, but you get the picture).
My little tree was standing barren in the winter sun without one ounce of fruit on it. The words peace, joy and especially self-control was so far removed from me that I could not fathom their meaning. In the midst of this I received devastating phone calls and news to the extend of my knees buckling under the burden. And so I did what every respectable lady should do: I clenched my jaw, buckled my belt (okay no belt) and I decided that I will show this day a thing or two. Needles to say, by the evening, after a rally with a few rude salespeople at the store and the worst customer service ever, I was ready to admit defeat. This day got the better of me. Some days I have absolutely NO control over anything, and the more I try the worse it becomes. I am after all not in control of my own life, and I am after all not as strong as I think I am. By 10pm I was a sobbing pile of misery.
Did I finally bent my knees and let it go? No off course not! I tried to see if the TV, my husband or a magazine could pull me out of my pit of despair: Yeah, you know it; no such luck!
It was only this morning that I got the message. Everybody was off to school and work and miraculously the little people in my house were still sound asleep. I heard it in the silence, I felt it in my bones: I need living water, I need to stop trying to control something that can not be controlled, I need to let God take over. I didn’t have to do much. I just laid down my weary head on a not-vacuumed carpet and let His mercies sweep over me…
And today? Today is a different day, packed with mercies and laden with fruit, and I’m grateful, because I’m well aware that tomorrow can be another “yesterday”. Then again, I was reminded of His mercies, and I’m not so afraid of tomorrow, because I’m not in control anyway…